The dating world can be immensely joyous as it can be immensely petrifying, especially when we get to the big B word- Breakups.
What is proven to be even more dreadful is when you’ve put your ALL into it. You’ve sacrificed, you’ve put your partners’ needs before your own, one too many times, to still be left with NOT A THING – NOTHING!
Breakups, however, are a part of life.
We don’t wish to experience the gut-wrenching feeling of losing the person we have planned our whole lives with; discussing cute baby names and picking out wedding dresses and even skimming over housing plans. Boy, do we get in deep!
Yet, we must wake up and smell the coffee. BREAKUPS HAPPEN.
Hallelujah! THERE IS HOPE.
The following eight steps will have you feeling like you “took a pill in Ibiza” in no time.
- GRIEVE The first step is to allow yourself time to grieve. Do not try to hold it in. Studies show that those who give themselves time to heal are better able to move on.
Scream if you want. Play those 90s slow jams and cry it out if you want to. Trust me, “Doing Just Fine” by Boyz II Men is sure to do the trick. (winks)
- CUT THEM OFF…COMPLETELY
“But I don’t wanna” – But you have to. The next step is to Unfriend. Unfollow. Delete.
This is considered a Band-Aid effect. It is important to do this because it is not healthy to continue to have them in your view, as it can bring back old memories.
It is okay if you have decided to remain friends and of course, forgive, but if the breakup is tough, you must get the romance out of your system, unless you will find yourself “jonesing” for a call after seeing an inviting picture. Then you’re back at square one.
- DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF (Well…even if you are to really blame. Lol)
Accept it for what it is. Do not take that burden on. Of course, you should acknowledge what you may have done wrong and work on correcting those behaviors for future relationships, but do not dissolve yourself in the pain of what-ifs and should-haves, would haves, could haves. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
- GIVE OF YOUR TIME
I know you may be saying “After all the time I’ve already given, I don’t wanna give another (expletive, expletive) of my time”. And I get that. Totally. But honestly, I’m not referring to dating or romantic relationships.
Give your time to the community.
Get involved. Help out in the local church if you’re religious or simply join a club. It takes your mind off of things for a while and can help you to gain your sense of self-worth.
Give your time to someone else without expecting reciprocation.
- TALK TO A TRUSTED FRIEND OR A COUNSELOR
Oh Boy, the big TALK!
Yes. Talk it out. Tell someone whom you can trust how much it hurts. Tell them how much you may want to break something.
BREAK SOMETHING (or not) but talking does help.
It helps you to get a load off of your chest, it helps you to reflect, and sometimes, gives you some noteworthy insight that you haven’t thought about before. IT HELPS!
- REDISCOVER YOURSELF
“But I already know who I am. What more rediscovery do I need?” Yeahhh I know.
But after a devastating breakup, it is important to take a step back and reflect on YOU because chances are, you may have lost yourself in the relationship.
Make a list of the things that most excite you! Yes! Write that list!
- EXPLORE AND HAVE FUN
Pick one of the things off of the list that most excites you and like, Nike says “JUST DO IT!”
Getting out of the house to go on an adventure with friends, whether it be a little drive to go sightseeing or engaging in your favorite activity that makes you laugh, can be extremely therapeutic.
Of course, after the day has ended, the grief of losing your love may return. However, it MAY NOT. Be spontaneous and enjoy the joys of this life.
- DO NOT RUSH INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP
I know the old clichéd saying “If you want to get over someone, get under someone else”.
DON’T DO IT!
I am aware that everyone heals at a different pace but allow yourself at least one to two months (I really mean more than that) to get back into the dating game after having your heart ripped to pieces.
You don’t want to have your judgment clouded due to heartbreak and you definitely do not want to be on the rebound.
Delight in the beauty of singleness; of not having to pour so much into another. Besides, you don’t want to have two exes to get over if this new relationship doesn’t work out.
Be single for a while and REVEL IN IT.
Yes, breakups suck! They are hard. But after all that I’ve experienced, I know that there is NOTHING that you can’t overcome.
Follow these few steps, put on Shenseea’s “Rebel” or Wale’s “Break Up Song” and “LET. IT. BURN.”